That day I found out disappointment can kill

...and work and good friends are always there to help me heal.

It's been my third night on sleeping pills. I'd never know it'd hurt so bad to see things I try to run away from the whole time. In my head I have hatred, disappointment, and most of all jealousy; along with that irony image of proof, it just make it impossible to fall asleep. Good that wise daddy always keeps some sleeping pills handy. I've never taken them before, but I realize it help me a great deal to survive 6:30am wake-up call every day still.

I also hate to be this negative person. Friends' been awesome; they have been checking with me to make sure I was ok. Erin sent me this quote I found helpful:
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
- Unknown

I guess she's right. But man, god has been tough on me. When he lets my life go downhill, he really goes all out. On that worst day in my life these two years, I got hurt by my own hopes with no mercy, suddenly got a deep cut on my finger out of nowhere, hit the most humid day, floor was all wet and I fell harshly to leave both my knees some matching dark purple bruises.

I just hope it's true when people say you should be happy when your worst days come, because that indicates all your remaining days will be bright and beautiful. I don't think anything else can beat this in a short run.
Interestingly the cut on my finger really hasn't healed these couple days, but I was just kinda giving up on taking care of myself. And finally it was the girl at the manicure place who gave me a band-aid. (smile) I guess nothing is the end of the world. Friend also said there're a lot of people who care and love me (and you).

My days shouldn't keep going downhill like this. Trying my first night without the sleeping pills now. Night night world!